Meaning & Inspiration

"If there's no meaning, there'll be no inspiration" ~August Burns Red, Lifeline

Photo Credit: August Burns Red 

This quote holds such deep meaning to me. When I first listened to the song in 2017 I was at a pivotal point in my life both personally and professionally. I was a non-traditional pre-med student working an entry level job in healthcare as a medical billing specialist. Setback with my MCAT scores was keeping me from acceptance into medical school. I was in a bad place mentally because I was hanging everything on the prospective job: my sense of self-worth, happiness, and professional identity. Yes, I was committed to doing whatever it took to become the physician I desire to be, but my MCAT proved to be the biggest hurdle in my pursuit. More than pushing myself intellectually and academically to do well on the exam I realized my tenacity wasn’t lacking but rather I was my own worst enemy in my ‘no compromise’ aspiration to become an osteopathic physician. I was self-limiting opportunities because, “it’s not in my plan”

My biggest mistake in the process of pursuing medicine was the blinders I held to my own eyes. It really started in 2014 when I began my first application cycle investigating medical school programs. From 2014 through 2017 I pursued entrance into osteopathic medical programs while studying and re-taking the MCAT. Osteopathic philosophy was the most attractive feature and captivated me as an idealistic pre-med student, I was convinced it was the most practical way to practice medicine. As I’ve matured and worked in healthcare now for 4 years I’ve realized I don’t have to compromise those philosophies. A physician is a leader who leads with conviction – osteopathic medicine was the movement, the subsector that I closely identified with.

More than anything in 2017 I came to terms with my faith as the driving force, the motivation and inspiration behind my pursuit and desire to serve others with medicine. I returned to my theist roots and pressed into my spiritual community which has since become the best decision I could make. Personally I have never experienced liberation like I have in admitting that I don’t have all the answers and I’m not dictating my own life purpose. It’s a relief to trust in a higher being that guides and leads me in accordance with His plan and purposes. My tattoo reminds me that despite my failings and shortcomings, I have a unique purpose and all I have to do is ask. No matter if I’m in the highest of highs or lowest depression I can look up amidst the chaos and know there is a God and he works all things for my good – given I serve, trust, and love him with all that I am and have to give.

Inspiration and creativity for me personally is contingent on my spiritual state and faith. When I get impatient and act in my own strength I lose sight of my own sense of purpose. In the fall of 2018 a thought came into my head – one that I said I’d never consider: applying to international Caribbean medical programs. At first I immediately thought back to my commitment as an undergraduate that I would not consider Caribbean schools even as a last resort because of the “stigma” and reputation. After seriously considering my options and researching different programs I realized the “stigma” was overstated, inaccurate, and exaggerated. After just 3 months of strong consideration I pulled the trigger and applied. I never had any doubt I was/am a good candidate for medical school despite my low MCAT scores and I wasn’t surprised when the invitations to interview rolled in my email inbox.

I’m overjoyed that I received an offer to attend Saba University College of Medicine. I couldn’t have made it this far without the support of my community or without the inspiration from my creator who motivates me to live and love Him and others with all that I am.