Thoughts on Identity and Attitude: MCAT Preparation

"Competence means keeping your head in a crisis, sticking with a task even when it seems hopeless, and improvising good solutions to tough problems when every second counts." ~Chris Hadfield

Getting an offer to medical school depends on many variables and circumstances that are entirely outside of my own control. It always made sense to me that an offer to medical school is not an entitlement. I'm not hanging everything on the prospective job: my sense of self-worth, happiness, or my professional identity. I will do whatever it takes to become the physician I desire to be, though I'm convinced that success is feeling good about the work I do throughout the long, unheralded journey that may or may not end up with me wearing a white coat. Of all the variables outside my control there are two things I can control: my preparedness and attitude during the journey. My attitude is what keeps me feeling steady and stable heading in the right direction. So I consciously monitor and correct, if necessary, because losing attitude would be far worse than not achieving my goal.

Be confident, know your motivations, know why you want to be a physician, and above all else don’t give up. Surround yourself with positive intelligent people who are living and successfully doing what you are striving to become. I strive to be competent. It's the most important quality to have in anyone's pursuit to become successful, and especially a physician. Competence encompasses ingenuity, determination and being prepared for anything. Academic mastery is my goal - I will be the best most competent internal medicine physician I can possibly be. Thinking like a physician is a matter of changing perspective - reduce stress by sweating the small problems; imagine the worst thing that could possibly happen. 

During my gap years after undergrad I worked for a private medical billing company called Covenant Surgical Partners. During the first five months of employment I was in a hardcore prep/study mode for my 2nd MCAT attempt. I was studying rigorously 3+ hrs./day either before or after work 5 days a week and 6 hrs. every Saturday with one day off. I was enthusiastic about studying and re-learning the concepts from my pre-med coursework and had developed a rigorous plan before my September test date. My employer was so very encouraging during the process they were as excited for my future as I was, then I got my score back, though I knew it was sub-average I thought for sure I had a chance since other aspects of my application made me a strong candidate. But after a second application cycle and rejection I began to doubt everything about pursuing medicine and consequently became complacent. 

My biggest fear, failure, began to creep into my life and consequently I fell into a brief depression. I can't quite pinpoint what changed in my life that motivated me to get back on the horse and prepare for my third MCAT attempt, but I have a feeling it was my community. When I surrounded myself with the right people, positive voices encouraging me (despite my setbacks) my meaning and motivation for pursuing the dream and scoring well on the MCAT skyrocketed. Also when I stopped hyper-focusing on myself, performance, over-analyzing the tiny details instead of the BIG PICTURE, and focused my energies back on serving others I felt even more inspired to complete another Anki deck of MCAT prep or power through 15 more AAMC question bank questions. 

By August 2018 I made some big life changes, I moved out of my parents house and took a management position with Visionworks Doctors of Optometry. Still pushing for admission into D.O. schools I was studying for hours everyday and using my paid time off to take full-length practice exams. I had virtually no social life outside of church and work. Blinders were on and I was determined. September came around and I took the MCAT for the third time - scoring exactly the same as my second attempt. I felt:
Relieved it didn't drop. 

Frustrated it didn't raise closer to the national average. 

I had a dilemma on my hands. Every D.O. admissions counselor for the schools I planned on applying to told me if I scored less than 500, regardless of the other positive factors from my portfolio, my application will not be considered. Disappointed, I yet again felt my journey to the summit was stunted by my own intelligence attributed to the score of a standardized test. I felt short-changed, osteopathic medicine claims holistic patient-centered medicine but when it comes to admission standards they could not look past 490 - my best work. Convinced I had a strong application with a 3.7 GPA, B.S., 343 shadowing hours, extensive leadership/extracurricular involvement, relevant healthcare employment/volunteering, and a clear sense of purpose communicated through my personal statement, I still didn't have what it takes for their standards. All I needed was for an admissions board to give me a chance. That was when I abandoned the notion that I would ever become a D.O. It was in November 2018 that I considered Caribbean schools as the route to my summit.